the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
