We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
