I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
