I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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