First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
