yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I FOUND THE LEGS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
