dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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