I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
