I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
