I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
