whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
