dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
