At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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