I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
