he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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