I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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