cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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