the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
