I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize