fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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