So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
