he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
