i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
