We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
