Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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