Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dignity is for republicans.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
