I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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