I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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