I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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