Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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