I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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