I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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