I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
