he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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