I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
