spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
