im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.