what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live