Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
