am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I cockslap morals
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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