I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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