saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I AM VODKA MAN
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
