2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
