OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
