worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
