i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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