I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are the jesus of drinking
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
