dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
