This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
