She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
