did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
