In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
