No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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