What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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