im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
