shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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