1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
