Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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