i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
