K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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