I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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