I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
