You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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