I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
