I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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