What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
