I smell stomach acid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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